A Time To Choose
by Emrisah
Summary: What would happen if Alanna couldn't decide whether to heal or not? What if Duke Roger's plan to take the throne suceeded? Tortall would fall. This is the story. Only you can believe.
1. The Beginning

Weird, I know!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. (Dammit!()  
  
*************************************************************** "Alan! Alan, get up! NOW!"  
  
Alanna slowly drifted awake. Someone was banging on her door, and it sounded urgent. She rolled out of bed an landed on the floor with a thump. She stumbled towards the door. The Sweating Sickness was still going strong, and she was tired from all her new duties. They had kept her busy 'til late at night.  
  
She opened the door and found Gary standing there, looking like he had just run a mile.  
  
"Gary, what's wrong? You look terrible!"  
  
"Raoul . . .he . . . he's just . . ." He seemed to be at a loss for words.  
  
"What? Spit it out!" she said sharply, with a horrible feeling of foreboding in her stomach.  
  
"Alan, Raoul was just taken up to the Infirmary. It's the Sickness."  
  
Alanna's stomach plummeted to her feet. Gary seemed to still be talking, but it was like a fog had come over her brain.  
  
"Take me there". She said.  
  
"Now".  
  
*****************************************  
  
Alanna stumbled into the vast Infirmary. She had never seen it so full before. Next to her on a bed a man moaned quietly, his head moving slowly on the pillows. She could practically feel Death hovering over everyone, and everything.  
  
"He's over here Alan."  
  
She started, and realized that Gary was still with her. He was already leading her across the room, towards the far side. She followed, trying to block out the sounds of peoples fevered mutterings. When they arrived at the bed, she looked down at Raoul. He was tossing and turning, his sheets a sweat stained mess around him.  
  
"Raoul, he's here." Gary said. "He had been asking for you, just before he went all feverish." Gary explained.  
  
Alanna was about to reply, but there was a sudden commotion at the door. Duke Baird was at the head, and seemed to be carry someone on a stretcher. Gary walked over to see who it was. She saw him talking to Duke Baird while she smoothed Raoul's bedclothes, or at least tried to. Suddenly Gary blanched, his face turning white. She saw the person thrashing around, and tried to see who it was. Duke Baird put a hand on his shoulder, and seemed to try and comfort him. Gary nodded his head and walked haltingly back to Alanna, with his head down.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked slowly, a cold vice around her heart. Gary glanced at her, his face full of pain.  
  
"It's Jon," he said hoarsely. 


	2. Lady Clarice

Hey! Thankyou to: "an anonymous geek" and "PsycoLioness13" for reviewing the previous chapter. You were a great help!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own them!  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
Alanna couldn't think anymore. She had spent time with Raoul, and then went to go and see Jon. Death had been lurking there, and she had remembered what Maude had said about her healing skills.  
  
"Heal child. Heal all you can."  
  
I can't! What if something goes wrong, and I so deep into my magic I die, and bring whoever I'm healing with me?? She thought to herself. I just can't.  
  
Gary found her pacing her room. He walked in, looking none to pleased with what he had to say.  
  
"Alan, I need you to tell me something. I talked to George, and he said that you could heal. So many people are dying, many of them healers. I hate to put you in this position, but I need to know whether you will be willing to do any healing of your own."  
  
He stood there, looking like a lost boy, all of his sarcasm gone, his sharp tongue sheathed. She looked at him, and then turned away. What could she say? Sitting on her bed, Alanna took a deep breath.  
  
"Gary, do you know what it's like to watch people heal? Of course you do. Both you and I have watched Duke Baird heal many people, along with all the other Palace healers. But have you ever seen a person go so deep into healing that they can't get out?"  
  
Alanna stared into the distance, to involved in her memories to notice that Gary was watching her intently.  
  
"Once, a group of Scanrans attacked Trebond. We think that their plan was to get to the capital and capture it for their King. We had to stop them, obviously. My mother had been dead ever since myself and Thom were born, so her sister, Lady Clarice, had come to stay and help father. She was a healer, and a very skilled one at that. Lady Clarice knew everyone on Trebond, and was friendly with them all to. The day the Scanrans attacked, her skills were put to the limit."  
  
"Alan . . ."  
  
Alanna took no notice, unaware of the tears that were coursing down her cheeks. She just kept talking in the same voice, so void of emotion that Gary shrank back.  
  
"3 days we battled, with many casualties. Many died, and many were injured, myself included. It wasn't that bad a wound, so my Lady bandaged it and told me that since I could not fight, I would be her assistant. I accepted it, because I knew that no matter how much I wanted to be out there amongst the fighting she would not let me go."  
  
"Alan, why . . ."  
  
"Don't Gary. You will understand. The next day, a man came in, bleeding heavily from a wound in his side. The enemy had cut through the join of his armour and sliced him almost to the bone. He was pale and unconscious. My Lady left the person she was tending immediately and went over to him. She told the men who had brought him in to lay him down, and ordered me to go and get fresh bandages and salves. When I came back, she was pouring in her magic, desperately trying to save his life. I looked at him and saw that he was a Scanran."  
  
"But why would she do that? He was the enemy, and she had no right healing him! The men who had brought him in should've known better!"  
  
Gary was aghast. He never thought that someone would try to heal the enemy during an attack and their home.  
  
" His clothes were so bloodied that they hadn't known. Anyway, I dropped my things and turned to my Lady. Do you know what she said Gary? She turned to me, and I saw that her face was pale with grief. She looked at me and said this. "This man is my only brother, whom I will fight for if only it will save him from the Dark God." "  
  
Alanna sighed and turned away from the window towards Gary. He shakingly took his hand from his mouth, and looked as if he would say something. She wearily shook her head.  
  
"Don't, I'm not finished. After she had told me this, she turned around and began healing the man again, missing the look of disbelief on my face. I sat down, as my legs seemed to have stopped working. I was not able to take my eyes off her. Many minutes past, and I could see her straining with the effort of helping her brother. I suddenly felt something squashing down on me, like a terrible weight. It was Death, pure and simple.My Lady knew it as well, and renewed her force on her healing. I could tell that she was losing her battle and begged her to stop. I had never begged for anything so much in my life as I did that day."  
  
Her voice cracked on the last line, and her tears started afresh. Her eyes still held that look, a look that said she had seen death so horrible, it was to awful to contemplate.  
  
" My Lady seemed not to hear me, and then she started growing paler and paler, and thinner and thinner. It was like she was shrinking before my eyes. It was then that I knew she was pulling on her own life force in order to save her brother. I started shouting, trying to attract attention. I couldn't take my eyes away from the horrible thing that was happening. I could hear people running towards her, and trying to pry her away, but it was to late. My Lady blazed in a flash of light, and was gone. The Dark God took her brother as well, so her sacrifice had been in vain. It was I that went and delivered the news to my father. His only sister, Lady Clarice, was dead."  
  
Alanna sighed, her tale over. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, and stared down at her hands, only then realizing that the wetness had come from her cheeks. Gary touched her shoulder briefly in comfort, and she flinched from his touch. She looked at him, and saw there her own face, the pain and loss mirrored there. She looked away first.  
  
"That's why I can't do it Gary. I don't want my friends to die., but I am not the right one to try and heal them. I'm so sorry."  
  
With that she turned away and felled face first onto her pillow, sobbing. Gary quietly left the room.  
  
Woo, all done. ENJOY! 


	3. A Memory and an awakening

Hey! Sorry this chapter took so long in coming!( I have exams soon and I was studying like a good little girl!( Anyway, thanks to Ice-Otter, Ziata and Leaf n Jelly who reviewed my last chapter, for the positive comments. They really helped! Here it is, hope you like!!(  
  
Disclaimer: My agent is still trying to contact Ms Pierce, ( I wish!) so nope, I still don't own them!  
  
*************************************************************** Backwards and forwards. Backwards and forwards. Backwards and forwards. What should she do?? Alanna knew that she was not the right person to heal her friends. To heal her friends would mean going into herself, and going deep into them. She couldn't do that. Not yet. But what if they died?? Her guilt would be so much, that she would be swamped. But what about her friends anger, and shame?? That would be to hard to handle. The look on Gary's face, Alex's anger, all her friends, looking, looking . . . Backwards and forwards. Backwards and forwards. Backwards and forwards. She stopped. A little voice was going on in her head. But this is Raoul! And Jon! Two of her best friends! They were always there for her. Of course, they always pretended not to know when she and Ralon fought, but they always knew. There was that one time . . . she stopped and smiled sadly. Sitting down on the bed, she looked out the window, and remembered an earlier time when she had first come to the palace . . .  
  
*"Come on Alan! Or are you afraid that we'll beat you again?? Alex, Gary, Raoul, Jon and Alanna were out ice skating. Duke Gareth had given them city leave for the day, provided that they were back in time for their evening chores. All but Alanna were out on the lake. She pulled a face at Gary, but took her time. Alanna wanted too make sure that everything was in perfect working order for the defeat of Gary.  
  
She stood up. Slowly, Alanna made her way onto the ice. The boys started skating around her, shouting and laughing. Alanna ignored them, too busy concentrating on warming up her leg muscles for the big race ahead.  
  
"Look, Alan, cut out the warming up. I know I'm going to win, so you needn't bother!" Gary looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. Alanna skated up to the "starting" point, equal with Gary.  
  
"Ah, do you really think so??" she said, looking up at him.  
  
He looked down, taking in the stubborn set of her chin, and the determined look in her eyes. He opened his mouth to reply, but found that he was talking to air. Jon had started the race, and Alanna had taken off. Cursing, Gary skated to catch up with her.  
  
"No fair Alan, you started before me!" said Gary, complaining yet smiling. "No, Gary, I just took hold of a opportunity that you happened to miss. There's a difference." Alanna looked straight ahead while saying all of this, but a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.  
  
"Exactly! Unfair advantage!" Panting, Gary strained to try and pull ahead. Alanna pushed a bit more, and was about to comment when she broke off with a cry. Gary stopped and stared at the hole in the ice where his friend had fallen through. Without a second though, he yanked off his skates and went to save her.  
  
Later that day, when Alanna was resting in bed, Gary came to visit. Alanna turned when she heard footsteps.  
  
"How are you?" asked Gary.  
  
"Fine. Sore, but warmer. Thankyou so much Gary." Alanna looked at him, her friend sitting beside her bed.  
  
"Hey, that's what friends are for, right? I know that one day you will do something like that for one of us, even if it is not me."  
  
Alanna nodded, turning her head. "Of course I will Gary." Of course, she thought.*  
  
A noise startled Alanna. She was lying on her bed, after falling asleep daydreaming. Feeling like the roof had dropped on her head, she answered the door with a groan.  
  
"What??" she asked fuzzily.  
  
"Alan, I have news 'bout Jon and Raoul's condition. Ye might want to sit down." It was Coram.  
  
Alanna turned white. " Why-why would I ne-need to sit down?" she asked faintly, sitting down with a plop in the nearest armchair.  
  
"Well," said Coram, " the news ain't gonna be the bets ye've heard today."  
  
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no!"  
  
"I'm afraid so lass."  
  
********************************************************** Moohahaha!! CLIFFHANGER!! Sorry if this wasn't too good, I'm writing this at 12:30 in the morning!! Well, was that up to you approval?? Hope so. I WILL write a longer one next time, as it is now HOLIDAYS!! YAY!! Until next time, Emrisah 


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